Week 11: PAWLY PANTHER DISASTER NEWSFLASH!‏

Panther Simon has suffered an injury to his knee and after several vets and wildlife experts have tried in vain to bring it back to life, may have to withdraw from the marathon. This is obviously devastating news for Simon, and very sad for us two ‘never ran a marathon before morons’ – basically this is what Simba felt like when his dad got pushed off a cliff by Alan Rickman.

PANTHER MINUTE SILENCE. PEEP…………….

*respectful applause*

An artistic impression of how Simon suffered the injury can be seen in Figure 1:

Figure 1: He slipped and fell into a baby panthers mouth. Oh the irony.

So here we are half way through our training, broken men and potentially reduced to two. You’re probably bored of us going on and on about running by now. We are. So you should be. To counter this we were going to write a Panther Dash lifestyle magazine inspired by Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP with fashion tips, an agony aunt column, crossword and even an extract from Matthew Mahogony’s autobiography. In fact we did write a lifestyle magazine, POOP (P for Panther), but it ended up being over 1000 words long and maybe a bit too creative for most civilised people. When we sat back to read it, it basically looked like we were suffering some sort of Panther marathon breakdown.

 Rare unseen archives from POOP

Then we realised! ‘Come on panthers! Guys…Guys? Guys! People want to hear us moan on and on about absolutely nothing except running, pain and the amount of friends we’re losing due to constant cancelling of social events and football along this terrible, awful, awfully terrible journey’, and with this in mind we will endeavour to moan on and on about the pain and the losing of friends through constant cancellations of social events and football. You lucky, lucky people.

So here it is – our running report for last week: It was rubbish.

Please light a candle for Simon's knee. Chanting may also help. Thank you.

………….PEEP