Week 7: Meh

Week 7 saw Lee fall to the flu, probably not helped by running in sub zero temperatures every other day for 4 weeks in a row.

The training programme is now up to 5 nights a week (5 NIGHTS!). But the times saw a slight ease with the Sunday run only demanding 1hr 40 mins, ahohoho.

There isn’t much to report on the evening runs except they are hellish and freezing and sapping all my life energy and will power and I hate them and my legs constantly hurt and I cant play football properly anymore and I wasn’t very good beforehand so this isn’t helping and there’s still 10 weeks of this awfulness left.

I’m finding that I am getting quite irritable around the house as a result of having no energy or free time and I am starting to misjudge basic routine tasks. For example washing up is now not allowed after I destroyed the kitchen trying to dry a cup. Also answering the door is forbidden after collapsing over a radiator trying to get to the door. The cats have started looking at me in wide eyed horror as I crash about from room to room. My sole household responsibilities are now: 

1. Completing Dead Space 2
2. Running 
3. Not breaking anything

On the plus side my legs are starting to feel more resilient and used to this abuse and my speed is noticeable increasing. I’m not sure if speed is a desirable attribute anymore with all this civilisation thing, but it is good to know that if we lived in prehistoric times I would be able to outrun a stegosaurus over a long distance.

Week 6: Bring on the Wall....

Weeks 6’s Thursday saw the panthers running together for the first time, and with Simon’s casual urban wear, Lee’s sophisticated scarf and gloves and my hi vis jacket we looked like the evolution of man (I’m not sure in what order) running along the promenade. Anyway the run was a nice 1.2 hrs and spirits were high.

Sunday = 16 miles along the Brighton coastline. This was the furthest either Lee or myself had ever ran and following on from a night out, was typically horrendous. The problems started from the beginning, where after careful planning to establish where to meet Lee went under-cliff while I went over-cliff. The only fun part of the run now eliminated we were left to think of each other’s fate, either A) waking up and not being bothered, B) injury, C) death.

Luckily we bumped into each other about 10 miles in and rejoiced, laughed and regaled stories of our adventure so far (through grunts and accusing looks).

This aside the run was ok up until about 12-13 miles, when, with no water or energy supplement planned we experienced what is often described as ‘THE WALL’. This was no garden wall either, more a Berlin Wall, but one that couldn’t be knocked down, like the Great Wall of China or the one from Hole in the Wall.

After a punchdrunk Lee nearly attacked a dog for walking in front of him and finished, I was left to crawl back towards Saltdean. I knew I was in trouble at around 15 miles when an old lady in Rottingdean started to clap me…as she overtook me while walking her dog. She must have been 80.

Week 5: Pain.

Give a man a football and he’ll play for a day, give a man a 0.5mm pump valve and extendable pump and he can play for a lifetime (depending on availability of footballs).

This weeks training started well enough, meeting celebrity Rottingdean runner Jac for a 5 mile run along the coast on Tuesday. All was good in the world. Thursday was not so fun, Saturday – easy peasey, in your face Saturday you are nothing to me. The worst came during the 2 hour Sunday run with Lee where the conversation mainly focused on pain, pain in legs, pain in knees, pain, foot pain, pain pain and more leg pain, back pain, lower leg pain, calve pain, thigh pain, elbow pain, face pain, hair pain.

Lee summed it up well in a moving email explaining his inner thoughts a couple of days afterwards:

‘If running was a genre of music, it would be Celine Dion B-sides. It is the most stupid thing I have ever done. My legs hurt, I have no friends and I am considering giving up training and instead just turning up on marathon day dressed as Keith Richards and washing down half a bottle brandy with a heroic dose of wraps of amphetamines and doing air guitar to street fighting man.’

During this period, experienced marathon panther Simon undertook his own unconventional training, predominantly consisting of ice skating around the Royal Pavilion. See evidence of his majestic balance below (looks painful):

Sponsorship would be appreciated, we only need another 96%. 96% COME ON MONEY FRIENDS.

Those kids need them goal posts and they are not going to build themselves, unless they a have a couple of spare goats which could be used – but the goats would probably walk off and no one likes to argue over whether a high shot was ‘just over’ or ‘in off the bar’, when there is no bar – YOU can stop this from happening. Sponsor us. Give a child in need of a well a goal with a bar. 

Thank you.

Week 4: Snap, Crackle and Snap

Like everyone’s favourite Power Ranger, Green Ranger (obviously), Team Panther Dash joined the party late and are perhaps overenthusiastically trying to catch up.

Last week the training started, and so far everything has gone surprisingly well. We started by going solo with 4 runs along the Brighton coast, culminating in a group 10.5 mile run pass the West Pier and down to Saltdean on Sunday. We were enjoying the spectacle of Brighton on a sunny morning, when disaster almost struck…perhaps distracted by the crazy golf, Lee nearly decapitated an Italian child on a push scooter as the bambino recklessly careered from behind a blind spot, thankfully disaster was avoided and Lee was able to offer some considered contraception advice to the awestruck mother (“AY CURUMBA PANTEHERO’S!”).

Urban runners don’t say hello to you like our nice rural runner friends do on the downs. We tallied 2/12 who acknowledged us (I mean ‘Hello! We’re the Panthers!’). Although we did get into a chat with a nice man about the marathon, but that ended a bit weirdly as we were all running at the same speed so we couldn’t let the conversation end naturally, we just ran out of things to say and had to run side by side in awkward silence, mile after mile.

Pain and bakery update:

Dan: behind knees. Also made flapjacks – 150g unsalted butter, 250g oats, 150g golden syrup, mix on hob then bake for 25 minutes – 8/10, going to pimp these bad boys with some mixed fruit this week.

Lee: Uninjured

Simon: Buttock 

See figure 1.

Now all we need is for Simon to assign us all Thundercat names and ideally insert our faces into their characters.....

HOOOOOOO!

Week 3: Bloated panthers ride again…

With the traditional panther festivities finally over (hunting, rearing the cubs, rolling in the long grass, watching the Eastenders Christmas special – OMG Janine WTF!) a bloated Team Panther Dash can finally begin our marathon training regime proper.

The break did give a chance for a couple of short runs across the rolling hills*, treadmills and to the toilet after the marathon diet quite literally ‘backfired’.

A training plan has now been drawn up, based on the Brighton Marathon intermediate plan. It basically consists of 4 runs a week (5 miles Tuesday and Thursday, a shorter one Saturday and a longer one Sunday starting at 10 miles this Sunday). We started the regime yesterday. Panther frown.

At the moment we’re quite excited about it, it will be interesting to see if this excitement is maintained by week 13 (or week 2).

Happy new year and please give us your money.

*it appears our hill runs haven’t gone unnoticed, so we’ll have to be careful not to look too panthery in case a strange man doesn’t jump out of a bush to catch us.