Lee: The Brighton half marathon sold out pretty fast so I was on the lookout for people pulling out. Unfortunately, it was our friend and spiritual panther Jac whose shoes I filled in for the day. Hopefully Jac will be in tip-top and ship-shape form for next year. It was a with a heavy heart at the Black Horse public house over a pint that Jac gave me his entry pack. I was determined not to drag the Edwards name through the mud by getting a rubbish time as Jac completed last year’s run in 1 hour 28 minutes! This was mainly out of respect for my friend but also for the fact that I could not hope to out run Jac if he sought mafia style retribution for ruining his stats and by proxy ruin his family name. As a result we revised our original plan of doing the run in a leisurely twelve hours with lunch stops, afternoon breaks, late tea, and actual participation in the event being subject to good weather on the day. (I still however have a firm belief that we should reform running to be a bit more like cricket, but ho hum). Instead, the panthers devised a complex system so this would not happen, away 12 hour leisure run, away.
Dan: Even with careful preparation the night before I managed to be late out of the house. The rushed panic wasn’t helped when we discovered we were 10p short to pay for the parking meter -desperation setting in I looked wide eyed around for a solution. AND THERE IT WAS! A friendly looking old lady behind us! Praise be on this day of days – BAFANA BAFANA! I could have hugged her. Explaining we were 10p short and running late for the race it became clear this solution was misjudged as the hag looked at me like I was asking for one of her kidneys. 10p! she didn’t want to give me 10p!
Dan: Oh yeah there was a half marathon too – this was Lee’s first half marathon and previously my best time was 1hr 57mins (for shame!). Before the race we devised a complex system to try and get a time of 1hr 45mins. I don’t want to baffle you with science but this system basically involved a digital watch and running as fast as we could while crying and consuming the total stock of the Brighton branch of Sports Direct’s energy gels. A flawless masterplan you may say? Well I don’t want to brag, but yes a flawless masterplan.
Asher D (So Solid Crew): I am really jealous of Dan’s digital watch. So jealous in fact I have written some lyrics to add into our big tune remixed by Celine Dion.
“Bling Bling, Bling Bling.
Whose calling ya’ll?
The half marathon clock to tell you-
That you have thirty one seconds to go
That you have thirty one seconds to go
to finish the next mile in seven minutes thirty
you have thirty one seconds to go.”
Dan: Amazingly our system seemed to work quite well and at 10 miles we were at 1hr and 20 mins – it dawned on us: we were on course to beat 1.45! With the carbs gel pumping through our veins and images of glory our heads, all of a sudden I became obsessed with beating 1.40. Senses taking their leave I spent the remainder of the race screaming, coughing and blowing mucus out of my nose as I ran down the Hove seafront.
Lee: We reached 10 Miles and I had to slow my pace because Dan is a running machine and I have the stamina of the Hare from the children’s tale of the Tortoise and the Hare.
Dan: Nearing the pier with 2 minutes to make it under 1.40 (by this point I actually felt like I was going to die). Running the final 2 minutes with my eyes solely focused on my watch I screamed profanities 30 meters from the finish as the heartless bastard switched from 1.39.59 to 1.40.00. To the angelic child cheering at the end whose face dropped when they saw this, I apologise.
Dan: Anyway I finished in 1.40.33 – 17 minutes better than my previous best and a NEW WORLD RECORD! (for Saltdean / Saltdean Vale / the house I live in Saltdean Vale).
Lee: I finished in 1 hour 42 minutes and 58 seconds. I also discovered deep heat (thanks Dan). Thanks for the support Mum, Yvette, Trish and Steve, the super Hawkins and Kelly J (apologies for throwing a half full bottle of water at Kelly after water station 1 and shouting “CATCH”, it wasn’t big or clever and didn’t endear Dan or I to our fellow runners who were equally displeased with our other antics which included general banter about pinching cigarettes off spectators, describing the eventual winner who lapped us as a “sad case” and using inappropriate language to express our general physical discomfort).
(A post run panther in it's natural environment)
No comments:
Post a Comment